Love and Yellow Teeth

My wife left me recently, and took my daughter with her. It was an emotional time all round. I had not long since arrived back from my holiday in Morocco when we received a phone call that left my wife with no other option but to go.

Her mum died suddenly after suffering a massive stroke. She hadn't been well, but at 66 was still young. Zimbabwe, the land of wife's birth, though, is currently a difficult enough place to live in, far less be ill in, never mind have to die in.

Within 24 hours of getting the call Toni and Kumali were off to Zimbabwe. Kumali was very philosophical, as only a child can be, when she was told she was going to Zimbabwe with her Mama.

"Are we going to see Ya-ya*? *Granny in Ndebele

"No, sweetheart. Ya-ya has gone to the angels and we're going to say good-bye."

"Oh, do you mean she's died?"

"Yes, that's right. Ya-ya has died."

"I love Ya-ya. I'll miss her."

Despite the multiple difficulties involved in trying to navigate everyday life in Zimbabwe the funeral took place without a hitch. It was a sombre affair for the few surviving members of Toni's family who attended. Many have long since gone to other countries as part of the economic diaspora; many others have gone the same way as Daphne.

Toni and Kumali spent 3 weeks in Bulawayo in total. Kumali was in her element. She loved playing with her 2 big cousins, Kimberley and Russell, and their 2 dogs, as well as being (weather and space) able to play outdoors for hours on end in the garden. She also met many other people who first met her 4 years ago as a 10 month-old baby, and did lots of other wonderful things, like see lions being fed and help feed monkeys and deer at Chipangali Wildlife Orphange.

Toni helped her brother, Conrad, start the process of going through their mother's affairs and estate. She also found time to chill out, taking stock of Zimbabwe and the passing of her mother, following her father's death just over 7 years ago.

One of the most philosophical of people I know when it comes to death, Toni felt at ease at her mother's passing. That was no surprise, what was a surprise was to hear her say she nearly phoned and told me to pack up and come over and join them.

She has spent 6 years out of Africa, ten out of Zimbabwe, 4 of those years having being spent in Scotland and England. 85+% unemployment, inflation out of control (£1 worth Z$15m on arrival and Z$35m on departure - and they've already taken 3 '0's off the currency), food, power and petrol as scarce as gold, disease, violence and intimidation ... the negatives go on. And all that going on hand-in-hand with the complete collapse of around 10 million people into desperation. Despite all that Toni'd rather be there than in the 'United Kingdom.' Food for thought.

Kumali would love to live in Zimbabwe. She loved her time there. As always when we are apart for more than 2 0r 3 days she has 'changed' during our absence from one another. A new development, edge, side, complexity, character trait, et al.

She's come back noticing my physical failings more than before, or not being afraid to mention them. The best line of all to remind me of my own gradual demise?

"Papa, you've got yellow teeth. But I still love you."

All About The Girl

A whole year has come and nearly gone in our new home town of Falmouth. Since Toni joined me from Botswana in March 2002 we've had three months in Edinburgh, then 18 in Algarve, before three years in Lockerbie, and now 15 months in Falmouth.

Although we've not been anywhere else, apart from three trips to Scotland, one to see Hibs win the League Cup with an emphatic 5-1 victory of Kilmarnock, and one to Guildford to join Toni's and Kumali's cousins for a birth day celebration, it's been a busy and enjoyable year.

For me, my course is over. I now have an MA Professional Writing, and a book and script that I am trying to develop into something people will buy. The other highlight of the year for me has been being part of the formation and development of 'Penrhythm', a samba/reggae eclectic that was formed in February. From a group of keen beginners we have become a slick outfit that has played over a dozen gigs, including three festivals, two parades and several charity gigs for Amnesty International, Cornwall. I recommend everyone bang a drum once a week in 2008!

Toni has spent the best part of 2007 slowly continuing to regain her life and identity, watching, as we both did, her daughter ease into a full-time nursery place, make friends and take another step along the stages of separation path. As a qualified and experienced graphic designer Toni has long been interested in web design, and is now doing a weekly night class to give her a grounding in the skills and knowledge required. She also raised over £100.00 for S.O.A.P. (Save Old Age Pensioners, Bulawayo, Zimbabwe) by selling her natural, handmade soaps and donating the profits. S.O.A.P is a charitable organization, set-up to get essential groceries to pensioners in southern-Zimbabwe who have watched helpless as their hard earned pensions have become utterly worthless in the last few years.

We moved house once in Portugal and three times in Lockerbie, so it's no surprise to know we have made our first move in Falmouth. In October we moved out of the satisfactory, but dowdy house/area we found over the Internet three weeks before we made the move, into a cosy, well situated cottage we got to take our time finding and seeing for ourselves.

With the book deal/script option taking longer than I have imagined in my dreams, we are both looking for full-time work. In a place like Falmouth, and we are a bit restricted without a car, that can be a bit like Albion Rovers trying to find a goalscoring opportunity against AC Milan. But we reckon it is worth the wait. Falmouth is a great wee town to bring a child up in, and while the lack of income, for well over a year now, is a concern economically, the time it affords both Toni and I with Kumali is without doubt priceless.

Whether we had still been in lifeless Lockerbie, with me 'teaching' at the local youth abatement centre, masquerading as an FE college, or gone anywhere else, regardless of whether I'd got an MA and enhanced my belief I can earn money as a writer or not. This year has been about the girl, just as Toni and my life has been since we first discovered we were going to be parents.

Kumali has shone throughout 2007. She loves nursery, has some great friends, enjoys the beach and loves the fact that we are surrounded by cats of all colours, sizes and both sexes. Toni has had crayons, pens and paints in front of Kumali from a very early age, and Kumali has so far taken a great deal of pleasure from creating on paper. She is prolific. So much so that we have bought her a portfolio holder and she is now the main source for all the cards we send out. She also goes to an art club at the brilliant Falmouth Art Gallery every Saturday afternoon with Toni. Papa gets a chance to listen to the Hibs game live, via broadband Internet, while Kumali and Toni get the chance to get arty in all mediums. The gallery exhibit the children's work in a separate part of the gallery on a permanent basis. Kumali has had around ten of pieces of her work framed and exhibited, and was one of six children to have one piece exhibited in the main gallery amongst the main summer exhibition.

Talk about proud Papa!! It has been amazing, but then so has been and so is every day with Kumali. She is a joy and a wonder. Her talents are by no means restricted to drawing and painting; at this stage in the game they appear endless. I never thought Kumali would ever get more beautiful than she looked to me when she was newly born and swaddled in her Mama's arms. Yet she continues to look more beautiful than before with every glance I take. She is breathtakingly beautiful, and the most exquisite character I have ever come across.

And what makes her being all the more wonderful for me is the fact that I have no doubt that I learn and gain far more from her than she ever does from me. Not only am I learning things I never knew about girls, females and femininity from my young daughter, I am learning about living, growing, developing, being and having. When I'm not learning I'm laughing, as Kumali has the ability to crack me up with a smile, a look, a dance, an action or reaction. Oh, and, believe it or not, she can out-talk me - and often does!

She's like the BBC, educates, entertains and informs. It's in the Beeb's Royal Charter, it must be in Kumali's Spirit Charter. All in all, 2007 has been a good one. The greatest sadness we've encountered is the completely unnecessary and ongoing decimation of Zimbabwe and it's people. However, even that darkness, or any of the many other darknesses around the world, can't linger for long with Kumali around as it's impossible to be down hearted for long in her company.

Falmouth is good, and while sunnier climes, particularly Zimbabwe, are not yet on the horizon this is where we plan and hope to be. But, as a wise friend of mine once told me, it's not where you are that counts, it's who you're with. I know I wouldn't want to be anywhere else than with my wife and daughter.